10:24:00
Internets förvrängningar / The distortions of internet
konstnär: William Mathieu "chat col vert" http://williammathieu.eu/accueil_fr.php
Allting är inte vad det ser ut att vara och särskilt inte det skrivna ordet. I min jakt efter en bild till vad jag ville beskriva tittade jag på målningar av surrealister som Dali och Magritte, men snubblade som av en händelse över denna surrealistiska katt. Inte nog med att jag älskar katter, de är också kända som mystiska och "opålitliga" i jämförelse med de lydiga och väluppfostrade hundarna. Vi förmänskligar deras djuriska instinker och betéenden och glömmer att deras värld har ett helt annat perspektvt än vårt. Katten på bilden är mjuk, gosig och samtidigt helt främmande med sin artificiella färgsättning. På det sättet liknar bilden det vi visar av oss själva på internet - en bit verklighet - en bit fantasi.
Under veckan som gick fick jag återigen försvara det faktum att jag använder en pseudonym på internet. Det finns de som avskyr att andra väljer att vara anonyma och skyller allt möjligt dåligt betéende just på att de gömmer sig och jag kan förstå deras ståndpunkt, men i slutet av 2002 då jag fick möjlighet att bli modell på internet via http://www.kaikura.net var det en av de första saker jag bestämde mig för - en pseudonym. Aldrig att jag ville ha en enda psykopat som letade upp mig i telefonkatalogen! Idag finns det tusentals människor runt om i världen som har sett fotografierna och jag är glad att jag har skyddat inte bara mig själv utan också min familj från ovälkommen uppmärksamhet. De som känner mig - min familj, mina vänner och dem jag träffar utanför internet vet vem jag är så det är bra som det är. För övrigt anser jag inte att en pseudonym är exakt detsamma som att vara anonym. Jag står för vartenda ord jag skriver och den som vill kan ta kontakt med mig via min blogg eller mejl.
Det är bra som det är, precis lagom. För länge sedan i Haag träffade jag en ung amerikansk utbytesstudent på spårvagnen. Han kom fram och berättade att han kände igen mig från internet. Fotografierna hade han sett vid ett enda tillfälle två år tidigare och han hade inte en aning om att jag bodde i Haag. Kul! och också någon gång i Bryssel har en person kommit fram och hälsat. Efter tio år kan jag räkna på ena handens fingrar dessa möten. Jag kan inte föreställa mig hur livet är för dem som är berömda - att inte längre kunna gå någonstans utan att människor tränger sig på.
Men tillbaka till ämnet, det skrivna ordets fallgropar. Under veckan fick jag också ett av dessa typiska mejl på Facebook, en ung man som skrev" jag vill slicka dina ben". Ni som gör er besväret - jag tar bara bort era mejl och jag tar bort er från min vänlista utöver det. Behåll era tankar för er själva där de hör hemma, jag är helt enkelt inte intresserad. Men för en gångs skull (denna veckan verkar jag ha gjort allting tvärtemot sunt förnuft) svarade jag honom och skrev: "Skulle du vilja att din syster eller din mor fick en sådan kommentar?!" Han svarade direkt, "förlåt" skrev han, "jag ångrar mig." Jag var fortfarande irriterad och gav honom en tillrättavisning till, varpå han blev irriterad - vilket kanske på sätt och vis bevisade att han verkligen ångrade sig... för det är det som är problemet.
En person som du aldrig har träffat, aldrig har sett i ögonen men kanske är en fena på att skriva vackert - hur ska du någonsin kunna veta att han verkligen menar vad han skriver? Och även om du har träffat honom - det skrivna ordet utan tonfallet, utan ansiktsuttrycken - utan hela den biljon med kommunikation som syn och lukt och känsel överför lämnar alltför mycket över åt fantasin.
Jag är en läsande människa med rik fantasi. Ge mig en god roman och jag glömmer bort världen runtomkring. Mina vänner kan prata högt OM mig och jag hör dem inte. Om inte varje dag så varje vecka får jag kämpa med denna fantasi - att inte ta det som någon säger till mig personligt framför allt inte i jobbet. Att inte övertolka det som sägs eller sker. Att inte lägga in meningar mellan raderna och framför allt inte dra förhastade felaktiga slutsatser. Ibland känns det som om jag inte har lärt mig ett dugg på tjugo år, som att jag fortsätter att upprepa samma fel om och om igen skapande onödiga problem.
En bit verklighet - en alldels för stor bit fantasi.
//Josephine
-----------------------------------
English:
Everything is not what it looks like and especially not the written word. In my search for a picture to describe what I wanted to illustrate, I looked at paintings by surrealists like Dali and Magritte, but stumbled by coincidence on this surreal cat. Not only do I love cats, they are also known as the mysterious and "unreliable" compared to the obedient and well behaved dogs. We humanize their animal instincts and behaviors, and forget that their world has a very different perspective compared to ours. The cat in the picture is soft, cuddly and simultaneously completely alien with his artificial coloring. In this way it is similar to the picture we show of ourselves on the internet - a piece of reality and a piece of fantasy.
During the week, I had once again to defend the fact that I use a pseudonym on the internet. There are those who hate that others choose to remain anonymous and blame every bad behavior on the fact that they are "hiding" and I can understand their position, but at the end of 2002 when I had the opportunity to become a model on the internet via http://www.kaikura.net this was one of the first things I decided to create - a pseudonym. Never was a single psychopath going to look me up in the phone book! Today there are thousands of people around the world who have seen the photos and I'm glad that I have protected not only myself but also my family from unwelcome attention. Those who know me - my family, my friends and those I meet outside the internet knows who I am so it's fine as it is. Moreover, I consider that a pseudonym is not exactly the same as being anonymous. I stand by every word I write and those who want can contact me via my blog or my email.
It is fine as it is, just perfect. Long ago in The Hague, I met a young American exchange student on the tram. He came over and told me that he recognized me from the internet. He had seen the photographs at one time two years earlier and he had no idea that I was living in The Hague. Fun! and also once in Brussels there was one person who came up and said hello. After ten years I can count on one hand those meetings. I can not imagine what life is like for those who are famous - to no longer be able to go anywhere without people coming up presenting themselves.
But back to the topic, the pitfalls of the written word. During the week I also got one of these typical emails on Facebook, a young man who wrote "I want to lick your legs." You who make this effort should know that I will just delete your emails and also delete you from my friends list. Keep your thoughts to yourself where they belong, I'm simply not interested. But for once (this week I seem to have done a lot of things contrary to common sense) I answered him and wrote: "Would you want your sister or your mother to get such a comment?" He replied immediately, "I'm sorry" he wrote, "I regret it." I was still annoyed and gave him another rebuke, whereupon he got annoyed - which perhaps in some ways proved that he truly repented ... for this is the problem.
A person you have never met, never seen in the eyes but maybe he is very good at writing - how will you ever know that he really means what he writes? And even if you've met him - the written word without voice, without facial expressions - without all the trillions of communications that sight and smell and touch transfer leaves too much to the imagination.
I am a reading person with a rich imagination. Give me a good novel and I forget the world around me. My friends can talk loudly ABOUT me and I do not hear them. If not every day, then every week, I struggle with this fantasy - not to take what someone says to me personally especially not at work. Not to over-interpret what is being said or done. Not to put sentences between the lines and above all not to jump to wrong conclusions. Sometimes it feels as if I have not learned anything at all during twenty years, I continue to repeat the same mistakes over and over again creating unnecessary problems.
A piece of reality - one too large large piece of imagination
During the week, I had once again to defend the fact that I use a pseudonym on the internet. There are those who hate that others choose to remain anonymous and blame every bad behavior on the fact that they are "hiding" and I can understand their position, but at the end of 2002 when I had the opportunity to become a model on the internet via http://www.kaikura.net this was one of the first things I decided to create - a pseudonym. Never was a single psychopath going to look me up in the phone book! Today there are thousands of people around the world who have seen the photos and I'm glad that I have protected not only myself but also my family from unwelcome attention. Those who know me - my family, my friends and those I meet outside the internet knows who I am so it's fine as it is. Moreover, I consider that a pseudonym is not exactly the same as being anonymous. I stand by every word I write and those who want can contact me via my blog or my email.
It is fine as it is, just perfect. Long ago in The Hague, I met a young American exchange student on the tram. He came over and told me that he recognized me from the internet. He had seen the photographs at one time two years earlier and he had no idea that I was living in The Hague. Fun! and also once in Brussels there was one person who came up and said hello. After ten years I can count on one hand those meetings. I can not imagine what life is like for those who are famous - to no longer be able to go anywhere without people coming up presenting themselves.
But back to the topic, the pitfalls of the written word. During the week I also got one of these typical emails on Facebook, a young man who wrote "I want to lick your legs." You who make this effort should know that I will just delete your emails and also delete you from my friends list. Keep your thoughts to yourself where they belong, I'm simply not interested. But for once (this week I seem to have done a lot of things contrary to common sense) I answered him and wrote: "Would you want your sister or your mother to get such a comment?" He replied immediately, "I'm sorry" he wrote, "I regret it." I was still annoyed and gave him another rebuke, whereupon he got annoyed - which perhaps in some ways proved that he truly repented ... for this is the problem.
A person you have never met, never seen in the eyes but maybe he is very good at writing - how will you ever know that he really means what he writes? And even if you've met him - the written word without voice, without facial expressions - without all the trillions of communications that sight and smell and touch transfer leaves too much to the imagination.
I am a reading person with a rich imagination. Give me a good novel and I forget the world around me. My friends can talk loudly ABOUT me and I do not hear them. If not every day, then every week, I struggle with this fantasy - not to take what someone says to me personally especially not at work. Not to over-interpret what is being said or done. Not to put sentences between the lines and above all not to jump to wrong conclusions. Sometimes it feels as if I have not learned anything at all during twenty years, I continue to repeat the same mistakes over and over again creating unnecessary problems.
A piece of reality - one too large large piece of imagination
//Josephine